By Jason Pyles
Technically, the first day of summer arrives with the summer solstice, which for 2019 will be Friday, June 21, in the Northern Hemisphere. But for Hollywood, June 21 is already nine weeks into summer movie blockbuster season.
Somehow, the Hollywood marketing machine has unofficially pushed summer back to late April, which is where I’ll begin this month’s Summer Movie Preview. (By the way, this preview will only be dismissive, not exhaustive.)
April 26 is when we’ll finally get to see the gripping conclusion to a remarkable, 11-year story arc that will finish with “Avengers: Endgame.” Or will it? Let the backpedaling begin!
May 3 brings us a Dennis Quaid thriller called “The Intruder,” but don’t watch the trailer or you will have seen the movie. I resent myself for admitting that Ryan Reynolds’ “Pokémon Detective Pikachu” actually appears to show some promise for May 10. We’re also getting a biopic called “Tolkien” about the formative years of orphaned author J.R.R. Tolkien. We can only hope that they will break it up into three separate movies… And that same weekend, Anne Hathaway and Rebel Wilson might be funny in “The Hustle.”
For those fans of “gun fu,” we’ve got “John Wick: Chapter 3 – Parabellum” on May 17. And May 24 brings us a promising Horror flick called “Brightburn” that explores what would happen if someone like Superman were real — and evil. Think “Megamind” but without the “spee-iders” and animation. And speaking of blue people, we have something even scarier than “Brightburn”: a live-action “Aladdin” that features an all-blue Will Smith as the genie. His trailer is nightmare fuel and a potentially worse career move than “Wild Wild West.”
May 31 will be a big weekend with “Godzilla: King of the Monsters” and the Elton John movie, “Rocketman.” Though I don’t think anyone asked for it after “X-Men: The Last Stand,” we’re getting a “Dark Phoenix” movie on June 7.
While we’re talking about unnecessary sequels, “Men in Black: International” releases on June 14. (I’ll see Samuel L. Jackson as “Shaft,” instead.) Toys are gonna make a killin’ on the real first day of summer, June 21: “Toy Story 4” hits theaters along with a “Child’s Play” remake. That weekend slate is like another Schmoeller / Goyer crossover.
And if you need more anthropomorphized dolls this summer, June 28 brings us another “Annabelle” movie. We’ll also get an interesting Danny Boyle film called “Yesterday” about a musician who’s the only person on Earth that remembers The Beatles. Spoilers for “Endgame,” on July 5 we get “Spider-Man: Far From Home.” Chadwick Boseman should be worth watching in cop thriller “17 Bridges” on July 12.
Jon Favreau gives “The Lion King” his 2016 “Jungle Book” treatment on July 19. And on July 26, Quentin Tarantino’s hotly anticipated take on the Manson family murders called “Once Upon a Time in Hollywood” releases with an all-star cast that includes Margot Robbie (as Sharon Tate), Leonardio DiCaprio, Brad Pitt, Al Pacino, Kurt Russel, the late Luke Perry and more!
August 2 brings us “Fast and Furious” spin-off “Hobbs and Shaw,” as well as “The New Mutants.” August 9 will deliver “Artemis Fowl” and an intriguing Horror film called “Midsommar.” And for some reason, we’re getting “The Angry Birds Movie 2” on August 16, as well as the shark tale, “47 Meters Down: Uncaged.”
Speaking of toothy beasts, I’m hopeful for hardcore director Alexandre Aja’s “Crawl” on August 23. It’s a relatable Survival Horror flick where a woman is trapped in a flooding house that’s filled with alligators.
Last and probably least, August 30 will bring us a Brooke Shields comedy called “My Boyfriend’s Meds.”
Note: These release dates are subject to change.
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I hate that there’s yet another thriller movie called The Intruder. Back in mid 2016, I sent out the following tweet bring up how common of a movie title this is for thrillers and horror movies.
https://twitter.com/jtalley986/status/743477054474158080
Since then, there’s been a Danish thriller called Intruders and now this Quaid film that is set to be released in a couple of months.
I’m with ya, Sal. I whole-heartedly agree. There can be only one “Intruder,” and that’s this baby from 1989: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0095379/ Am I right?
-J
It’s my favorite of the bunch, for sure. Although I did also really like the Intruders with Rory Culkin that came out a few years ago too. The sort of film that it’s the absolute best when you go into it without any knowledge of it beforehand.
Ah, yeah! That’s right! I forgot all about that one. I also remembered the Clive Owen “Intruders.” Yeah, you’re right, Sal. That title needs to be retired. Amazingly, there aren’t very many films titled “The Prowler,” which seems like a comparably obvious choice. The 1981 Slasher is surely the best of that bunch.
Despite the lack of originality, at least the “Intruder” and “Prowler” movies have better titles than these:
Phffft (1954)
Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever (2002) – I still say this is one of the worst of all time.
No (2012)
Captain Corelli’s Mandolin (2001) – Ryan loves this movie.
Bride of Killer Nerd (1992)
Don’t Worry, We’ll Think of a Title (1966) … Apparently not.
Fertilize the Blaspheming Bombshell (1992)
Sssssss (1973)
O (2001)
But I must confess, I do appreciate this title: Hell Comes to Frogtown (1988).
-J
I can agree with some of those points.
I’ve never been a fan of movies with titles that are just 1-3 letters long. It ends up being more of a nuisance than anything else. For example, are you aware that for most message boards, the search function won’t work for search terms that are under four characters long because of how common of a term it is? One of the most important things about a movie is to allow it to be easily discussed. Even if the search function would work for such a short term, how are you supposed to find movie discussion for ‘No’ on a site like Reddit?
I do think some of those movie titles are clever in terms of marketing. Although I’ve haven’t seen Sssssss, literally any time I’ve seen it mentioned or heard others discussing it, it’s because of the film title. Had it just been called Snakes, who would even know of the film today? Yet, because it has such a wacky, yet memorable name, it’s difficult not to remember it when you first hear of its title.
Don’t Worry, We’ll Think of a Title is another one that I think is fine since apparently the movie is just a parody. It seems to fit for the sort of movie they’re made.
The absolute worst titles are the ones where you’re not sure how to pronounce the title or it’s difficult to spell. For example, ZYZZYX Road. What?! Do you just say the letters or do you try to make sense of how to pronounce it? How are you supposed to even expect people to Google it when it looks like you just slapped your hand down on the keyboard to come up with the title? Your example of Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever falls in line with this same complaint. I don’t know about you, but especially when it came out, I kept thinking it was Seven, not Sever.
You’re right about The Prowler though. Even looking it up on IMDb, there’s also a 50s movie and a mid 90s made for TV movie, but that’s it. It seems rather than use it for a movie title, it’s far more common to be used for short films and TV episode titles.
Sal,
That’s interesting info about the search restrictions. I didn’t know that. Talk about shooting oneself in the foot… Naming a film with just one letter just seems inexcusable to me.
Every time I hear “Zyzzyx Road,” I have to smile. I take your point, but for the record, it’s pronounced like “ziz + zix.” I actually saw that film because Devin Faraci of CHUD.com sniffed out a story back in 2007 about how it was “the lowest-earning movie in box office history” because it only made something like $30 bucks. ha ha So, I saw it for myself, and it isn’t horrible. It’s just a mediocre thriller with Tom Sizemore and Katherine Heigl. Zyzzyx Road is actually a real place near Las Vegas. I’ve passed it before while driving. In fact, I remember a terrible accident with a big truck where I’m certain people died horrible deaths, but that had nothing to do with the movie.
At any rate, yes, it’s a risky title to be sure.
-J
P.S. Sorry about the spam filter on this site. There’s a big or something that I’m trying to figure out. I appreciate your patience, Sal.